6 tips to help you deal with your aging parents
As our parents get older, their needs also change and grow. It’s the cycle of life; they took care of you when you were a child, and as they get older they need care and support. But it’s not as easy as being there for them. Growing older is a challenging moment in a person’s life. The body changes, knees, shoulders, and backs aren’t as reliable as they once were. They may start to lose friends and community as they age, too; for some people, their support systems are not as strong. It is a grief not talked about enough and a challenging moment to experience with your loved one.
We know how challenging it is to provide your parent with everything they need. Especially when they don’t readily accept the help. It’s normal to feel worried or frustrated when your parents aren’t on the same page with you. We hope the tips we’ve gathered are helpful as you navigate finding the right support for your parent and for yourself as a family caregiver.
1. Choose your battles wisely
As your parent adjusts to life as an older adult, they may search for ways to stay in control; that can create conflict when they do not agree with your suggestions and attempts to help. Choose your battles wisely. What is the most important concern you want to address? Keep that top of mind and recognize when you are willing to compromise. Try to find the balance between your aging parent’s autonomy and what you think is best for them.
2. Try to understand what’s behind the resistance
Rather than let yourself focus on your frustration, or get stubborn about your points of view, try to get curious about the places where your parent disagrees. Ask yourself: what is behind their resistance? You will be able to speak more clearly to your parent when you identify and understand the motivation behind their actions or concerns.
3. Find a way to relieve your stress
You need an outlet for your stress; we recommend that you confide in people you can trust or even a therapist or support group. It’s important that you have a clear head when talking to your parents and having an outlet will help you avoid taking your anger out on your aging parents.
4. Set limits
What are your boundaries? Especially if your parent can’t always control their behavior, it’s important for you to establish clear boundaries regarding what behavior is acceptable and what isn't. You don’t necessarily need to communicate these limits to your parent, but it’s essential for you to know your own boundaries. By understanding what you will and won’t tolerate, you can make dealing with difficult parents less overwhelming as you'll know when it's time to step back. A good place to start is knowing that it’s okay to say no. You can't always change your parents’ minds, persuade them to act differently or solve their problems. Therefore, it's crucial to recognize your limitations and seek help when necessary.
5. Build community support
Having a community of support will help you and your parent. Involving friends, neighbors, and local support groups can help you connect with additional resources, emotional support, and practical help. This collective effort not only lightens your load but also ensures that your parent has a diverse range of social interactions and assistance, enriching their overall well-being.
6. Plan ahead
Your parent may not be able to live independently forever, and if they are resistant to change, it can be challenging to convince them to adjust their lifestyle. Exploring home care options before it is needed allows your parents to be involved in the process, ensuring their needs are met while they age in a familiar environment. At Cooperative Home Care Associates (CHCA), we are ready to assist your family with your home care and companionship needs.
If you'd like to learn more about home care solutions for your aging parents, visit our website.
